if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
