why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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