I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
