I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
