I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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