He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
