I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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