sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
