I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
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