Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
