Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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