He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
