we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
