Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
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