I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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