One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
