he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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