Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
