does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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