I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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