A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
