There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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