I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Randomize
