so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
