i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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