Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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