Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
