I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
