He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
