Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
