Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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