i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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