So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
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