Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
