The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
