Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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