God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
