Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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