Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
