Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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