Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
you win again, gameday.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
