What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
