I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize