dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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