Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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