420 ftw
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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