spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
