found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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