but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
