oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
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