when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
We talked him into tasing himself.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
