New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize