Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
