I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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