Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
