Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
