I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Randomize
