Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
