her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When are your genitals available?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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